That Floating Poo Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.
As we consider the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. From cringe-inducing sequels to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was simply too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was difficult to know where to start enumerating the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters meeting in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Rather, the experience was akin to reading a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Game Show
It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart inclusion of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality notorious for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.